Love is a skill. If you often struggle to love well, here’s some good news: Love can be learned. That means the more you practice, the better you will become at it.

In fact, God wants you to become a master at loving. And he wouldn’t tell you to love others if he wasn’t going to help you to do just that.

Do you want to be known as a person of extraordinary love? Then rely on God’s Word and the Holy Spirit to teach and enable you to love others. But to become extraordinary at it, you need to practice it over and over again. It may feel awkward at first as you learn to love with a greater capacity than is humanly possible, relying on the powerful and supernatural love of God to work through you. But the more you practice loving others with God’s love, the more natural loving others will become.

The Bible says in 1 John 4:7 that love comes from God. When you practice and commit to loving others like Jesus loves you, they will take notice and will be drawn to God, too.

It’s hard to love when you’re tired.

That’s right: Your physical condition has a strong impact on your relationships. Being energetic makes a big difference!

What happens to your relationships when you’re run-down? Things that are usually small issues become big problems. You may be crankier, more defensive, or more critical when you’re low on energy.

If you’re committed to becoming better at loving others, develop habits that refresh you physically. The Bible teaches many principles for health, but the three most basic are proper rest, a balanced diet, and regular exercise.

God never meant for you to go through life exhausted. When you’re too tired to love others well, take a good look at how much you’re resting, what you’re eating, and how often you exercise. Then make better—and often more difficult—choices to take care of yourself.

You and those you love will benefit in the long run.

When you need to be physically recharged, your body gives you various signs. If your stomach growls, it’s time to eat. If your eyelids get heavy, it’s time to sleep.

We often overlook signs that we need emotional recharging, such as a sense of being overwhelmed, a short fuse, or avoiding people. And we find it harder to love people when our emotional tank is running low.

To keep on loving well and doing the things God has called you to do, it’s critical to keep your emotional tank full. How do you do that?

First, get some time alone. Even Jesus withdrew from crowds when he needed to recharge himself emotionally.

Next, figure out what activities recharge you, and then make time for them. It may be a hobby, a sport, or a hike in nature.

Finally, develop the habit of laughter. Laughter raises your immunity and releases endorphins in your brain. Laughter is God’s gift to you and allows you to enjoy life more; it also helps you love others well.

Loving others the way God wants you to requires developing habits that keep you physically and emotionally renewed. But you also have to work to stay spiritually renewed!

The Bible says real love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:7-8 NIV). You can’t love people that way without God’s help. And you don’t have that kind of power when you’re running on empty spiritually.

You maintain spiritual fitness in the same way you stay physically fit: by being intentional and disciplined. No discipline is more important in developing spiritual fitness than spending regular, daily time with God.

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 4:16 that even if outwardly your body suffers wear and tear, inwardly you can be spiritually renewed. One way to do that is by spending time alone with God. This can take just 10 minutes in your living room chair before your day starts.

Human love will wear out. But to love more like Jesus, make your quiet time the number one priority in your day. When you do, your relationships will be transformed by the power of God’s love through you.

No relationship will survive without grace. You’ve got to cut people some slack! You need to learn to let things go.

The Bible says, “Love patiently accepts all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7 NCV). Instead of pointing out every mistake, that kind of love offers grace.

Why is grace essential to relationships?

Because we are all sinners. Two imperfect people will never create a perfect relationship.

The Bible says in Romans 3:10 that no one always does what is right. Relationship problems are rarely just one person’s fault. Both sides share responsibility. It takes two people to disagree!

We have to learn to extend grace to each other, because forgiveness is a two-way street. We cannot receive what we’re unwilling to give to other people.

You build strong relationships by treating other people the way God treats you. When you accept others as they are, looking past their faults for the sake of love, that’s extending grace.

When you have high expectations of someone, you don’t tell it like it is. You tell it like it could be.

One example of this comes from a story about a new professor at his first faculty meeting. One of the other professors saw his teaching assignments and said, “You’ve been given two of the section A classes. They’re the brightest students in the university. They’re really engaged and a joy to teach.”

The new professor discovered that to be true—he absolutely loved teaching those students. They were smarter and asked better questions.

At the end of the year, he told his department head, “I hope I get the section A classes again next year!” The department head told him, “There is no section A. We canceled that program six years ago.”

The professor checked his grade books, and found the section A students got more A’s and wrote more thoughtful term papers than his other classes. He realized that because he expected them to be better students, they rose to the challenge.

Throughout your life, you will shape the people around you by your expectations of them. When you expect the best from others, you are reflecting the lasting love of Jesus.

What God does for you, he wants you to do for other people.

God accepts you unconditionally. That doesn’t mean he approves of everything you do, but he accepts you, no matter what you’ve done. And God says he wants you to act the same way toward others.

One of the best ways to show acceptance to someone is to look at them and listen to them. When you give someone your focused attention, even just for a moment, you are affirming their value and offering your acceptance.

Acceptance also means that you listen to others’ fears and doubts. Sometimes people have doubts about God, and that can be scary! But when people share their doubts, you first need to simply listen to them. Show them that their doubts don’t change your love or acceptance.

Why? Because this is how God loves you. When you doubt, God’s love does not change. When you are fearful and unwilling to trust, God still accepts you. And that’s how he wants you to love other people.

Loving like Jesus means you accept other people the way Jesus accepts you. Let his love flow through you. And you’ll find that love makes it possible for you to love others unconditionally.

You are infinitely valuable to God. He created you. Jesus died for you. God puts his Spirit within you. And God wants you to be with him forever in eternity. That’s quite an investment God has made in you!

There are two things that make something valuable.

The first is who made it. The Bible says, “We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT). Before you were born, God planned out your purpose and who he wanted you to be. He does not make mistakes.

The value of something is also determined by what someone will pay for it. How much is your house worth? It’s worth whatever someone will offer. How much is a piece of art worth? Only what somebody’s willing to pay for it.

If you ever doubt your worth, just look at the cross. Jesus was willing to pay the ultimate price for you. That’s how precious you are to him.

God created everyone, and Jesus died for everyone. The way you love others will show them just how valuable they are to God.

Many people think God carries grudges. They think of God up in heaven, waiting to condemn them for anything they do wrong. Here’s what God is really like: “I am the God who forgives your sins, and I do this because of who I am. I will not hold your sins against you” (Isaiah 43:25 GNT).

Even before the world was made, God was already planning in Christ to forgive your sins. He knows every wrong thing you’re going to do. None of it surprises him!

That’s why the Bible can promise: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 NIV). Condemnation is gone because of what Jesus did for us. That means unconditional and complete forgiveness. What a relief!

When you accept Jesus’ gift of salvation, you’re immediately forgiven. And at the same time, you’re empowered and strengthened to forgive other people.

When someone hurts or offends you, ask God to help you see them from his perspective. He offers complete forgiveness, and he can give you the grace to do the same!

Jesus believes in you. There is plenty of proof in the Bible!

The Bible promises, “Everything is possible for one who believes” (Mark 9:23 NIV). Jesus knows you can do anything—because when you place your trust in him, his power works through you. And he wants you to help other believers understand this truth about themselves, too.

Each day you encounter people with low self- esteem. Many people have insecurities—about their abilities, appearances, or accomplishments. Some people can’t stop thinking about cruel words that someone spoke to them years ago.

So how can you help people reverse that curse? Start with this: Help them believe what Jesus says about them instead of believing what other people say.

One of the best ways to do this is by being part of a church small group. When you have a tough week and you’re discouraged, you need trusted people who will believe for you. And you can do the same for them. Followers of Jesus don’t just believe in Christ. We also believe in each other.

We were put here on earth to learn to love God and love others. So love is the greatest aim of your life!

Without love, all that you say is ineffective. People resent and reject unloving words. But when you speak in love, they’ll listen.

Without love, all that you know is incomplete. The world is overflowing with information and knowledge. Yet many of our most basic problems are not being solved, because the world is not looking for more knowledge. The world is looking for love.

Without love, all that you believe is insufficient. Many people have the misconception that being a Christian is just about believing certain truths and doctrines. Christianity is about experiencing the love Jesus has for you and learning how to love like him.

Without love, all that you give is insignificant. There are all kinds of motivations for giving, including obligation, prestige, or guilt. Just because you give doesn’t mean you’re doing it in love. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

The good news is that you can love others because God first loved you. Jesus says that as you live within his love, he will help you to love others.

Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. Even when you don’t feel like it, you can choose to love anyway.

I once talked with a young mother who felt overwhelmed and was battling depression. She felt like all she did was nag her kids and scold them incessantly. When she looked at herself, she saw a failure.

She cried out to the Lord, read her Bible, and found the answer in 1 Corinthians 13:2. In that moment she realized: Without love, I am nothing.

“I realized the single most important thing I could do was love my family,” she said. “So I began to live my life by love.”

What made the difference for this young mom? She made a choice. It changed the whole dynamic of her home and the way she saw herself as a mother and as God’s child.

When you love in spite of your feelings, that’s called loving by faith. That kind of love doesn’t just change the other person. It changes you, too, and makes you more like Jesus.

The distinguishing mark of a Christian is not a cross, a crucifix, a dove, or a fish on a bumper sticker. The sign of a Christian is love.

We sing about love, talk about love, pray about love, and study love. But do we do it?

To develop love as your life principle, you have to take initiative. Start by acting loving in your current relationships. Have you acted unlovingly toward someone and you know it’s time to seek reconciliation? If so, the time to start loving them is now.

The most important aim in life is to love. Why? Because the world will know about God’s love by the way we love each other.

You spell love T-I-M-E. It takes time to love other people. To love your friends, family, and others, you’ve got to spend time with them. To love Jesus well, you’ve got to spend time with him too.

People are attracted to Christ more than they are persuaded by him. They’re attracted by the love of God shown through the people who follow him. And they won’t care what we know until they first know that we care.

The longer you know someone, the easier it is to become critical of them. As time goes on, you’re more likely to become less gracious and to take them for granted.

It’s easy to show grace once. But over time, little annoyances add up, your patience starts to wane, and it’s easier to respond to hurt with hurt.

To experience a love that lasts, choose to be merciful. No relationship—marriage or otherwise—is going to last without forgiveness, acceptance, patience, and a lot of grace.

The longer you love somebody, the more you know their flaws. You can choose to be either critical or gracious. Proverbs 17:9 says, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends” (NLT).

Showing grace goes against our nature to fight back, harbor a hurt, and have the last word. But as a follower of Jesus, you have the Holy Spirit working in you to help you choose the things God loves: mercy, compassion, and grace.

Love is built on trust.

If you can’t learn to trust people, you’ll never learn to love or learn to be loved. A lot of people who think they have a love problem really have a trust problem, because love and trust go together.

When Jesus went to his hometown of Nazareth, the people who heard him teach did not believe him. As a result, Jesus “could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith” (Mark 6:5-6 NIV).

It wasn’t Jesus’ lack of faith that prevented the miracles. He could not do a good work in his hometown because of the people’s lack of faith and trust in him.

If that’s true of Jesus, then it’s definitely true of you, too. When people don’t trust you, you are not empowered to reach your potential. But when the people who love you show faith in you, it brings out the best in you.

Do you want a love that lasts forever? Then show someone that they have your trust. When you do, you’ll build their confidence, and you’ll be amazed at what they will set out to do with God’s help and your faith.

If you know someone who’s walked away from God, don’t walk away from them. God wants you to know that they need you now more than ever!

When someone says, “I am in so much pain, I don’t even know if I believe in God right now,” you can say to them, “That’s okay; I’ll believe God for you.”

Lasting love refuses to give up on someone. Jesus modeled this kind of love for you. When you were dead in sin, he didn’t walk away.

Instead, Jesus believed in you. He saw what you could become with his righteousness. He loved you so perfectly and so unconditionally that he was willing to receive the punishment for your sin. He took on your pain and promised to walk through life with you and give you the hope of heaven.

Who in your life needs you to show them a glimpse of God’s love by extending grace, expressing faith, and enduring the worst with them?

God says what matters in life is not your accomplishments or your achievements or your fame or your wealth. The only thing that matters is having a faith that causes you to love other people. If you miss that, you have missed the most important thing in life.

The most famous chapter in the Bible on love is 1 Corinthians 13. In the first few verses of this passage, Paul says the same thing five different ways: The most important thing in life is love. Here are the five reasons why:

If you don’t live a life of love . . . • Nothing you say will matter. • Nothing you know will matter. • Nothing you believe will matter. • Nothing you give will matter. • Nothing you accomplish will matter.

Love isn’t always the motivation for giving. Some people give just to get back or out of guilt, others for control or prestige. You can give for a lot of wrong motives, but the Bible says if you’re not doing it out of love, none of your giving counts.

You can rack up an incredible list of personal achievements and experience great professional success. But the Bible says it isn’t worth much if you don’t love. The Bible teaches us that relationships are more important than accomplishments.

It’s as simple as this: You can have the eloquence of an orator, the knowledge of a genius, the generosity of a philanthropist, or the achievements of a superstar, but if you don’t have love in your heart, it’s worthless. The only thing that matters to God is this: Do you love him, and do you love other people?

One day you’re going to die, and you’re going to stand before God. When he evaluates your life, he’s not going to look at your bank account or your list of accomplishments. He’s not going to look at your endorsements or your résumé.

God is going to evaluate your life on one basis: your relationships. He’s going to ask, “How much did you love me and other people?” In other words, did you follow the Great Commandment? Did you love God with all your heart, and did you love your neighbor as yourself?

The apostle Paul said it like this: “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6 NIV).

The Bible says in Luke 6:27-28, “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (NIV). Notice these three verbs: “do good,” “bless,” and “pray for.” A big part of forgiveness is responding to evil with good.

How do you know when you’ve genuinely forgiven somebody? You can pray for God to bless that person. When you learn to forgive, you not only see your own hurt but you see their hurt, too. Hurt people hurt people. Then you start to understand why they acted in such evil, selfish, hurtful, or abusive ways.

You say, “But you don’t know how they’ve hurt me.” No, I don’t. And I’m sorry for every hurt you’ve experienced. But I do know this: You’re never going to get on with your life unless you forgive and let it go. That doesn’t mean you have to forget. It means you relinquish your right to get even, and you respond to evil with good.

How can you do that? There’s only one possible way: You have to be filled with the love of Jesus Christ.

When you keep a record of wrong, you’re being unloving. But if you let it go and bless those who hurt you, then you’re letting God’s love work through you.

Everything that God does for you, he does out of love. The Bible even says that God made you to love you. The only reason you’re alive is because you were made to be loved by God.

God didn’t just say he loved you; he showed it. The Bible says, “God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8 NLT). Before I even knew God or knew I needed God in my life, Jesus died for me—and for you.

There’s a myth that says we have to clean up our act before we can come to God. No! We come to God with our problems—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Living Bible paraphrase says, “He will send down help from heaven to save me because of his love” (Psalm 57:3). That’s what Jesus did for us. God sent his Son from heaven to save us because of his love. So you can bring your problems to God, because he has all the answers—and he loves you.

How do you learn to R-E-L-A-X in the liberating grace of God?

Realize nobody’s perfect. Psalm 119:96 says, “Nothing is completely perfect, except your teachings” (CEV). When you get in the Bible and build your life on it, you will have a perfect foundation.

Enjoy God’s unconditional love. When you become a follower of Christ, you’re not just a servant of God anymore. You are a child of the King.

Let God handle things. What do you do about the uncontrollable things in life? “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV). To overcome perfectionism, you have to let go and let God do his work.

Act in faith, not fear. Remember how you got into God’s family in the first place. Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith” (NIV). There’s no other way to get into heaven except by grace.

Exchange your perfectionism for God’s peace. Perfectionism destroys peace. Jesus says in the Message paraphrase, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. . . . Learn the unforced rhythms of grace” (Matthew 11:28-29). What a deal!

Kindness always begins with your eyes—with observing the world and being sensitive to the needs of other people.

That’s how it was for the Good Samaritan: “When he saw [the man’s condition], his heart was filled with pity” (Luke 10:33 GNT). Notice that “he saw.” That is the starting point. If you want to learn to be a kinder person, you’ve got to change the way you look at the world.

Hurry is the death of kindness. To be kind, you’ve got to slow down! When you’re always distracted, you don’t have time to be kind.

The first step to kindness is to ask God to give you a spiritual radar to help you see people around you who are hurting emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

This comes naturally for some people. They easily sense when people around them are in need. But if that doesn’t describe you, then you’re like me. It’s easy to get distracted and be task-focused.

But if you care, you’ll be aware. It’s not always easy to see the needs of other people. But it’s the starting point of kindness.

The parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10 teaches two profound lessons about kindness. If you genuinely want to become a kinder person, you must be willing to do two things:

1. You must be willing to be interrupted. Kindness doesn’t happen on your schedule. When you see a need for kindness, you’ve got to drop everything and stop to meet that need. Love is often inconvenient, and kindness takes time.

2. You must be willing to take risks. Many times, your own fears can keep you from being kind.

How many times have you not helped somebody because you thought, “I don’t know what to say”? And one big fear we don’t often mention is this: Getting involved in someone else’s pain reminds us of our own brokenness. We’re afraid to deal with others’ pain, because then ours will bubble out.

But you’ll never learn how to truly show kindness until you move past your fears and extend God’s love to people who are hurting.

It’s God’s love that first helps you heal from your own hurt so you can then show that love to others. It’s God’s love that helps you move past your fears so you can learn to be kind.

As you learn how to love like Jesus, you sometimes will need to confront someone else. And that usually will feel uncomfortable! But you have to learn how to face issues that scare you—and you have to discover how to do it in love.

Start by checking your motivation. You know you’re confronting someone for the right reason if you’re doing it for the other person’s benefit and not your own. If you want to say something because you need to vent or unload, then you’re not confronting someone in love.

Did you know that we tend to criticize in other people the very thing we don’t like in ourselves? If you tend to be prideful, you can pick out ego in a second. If you tend to be lazy, you notice laziness in others.

Before you confront anybody in the spirit of love, make sure you’re not also doing the thing you’re criticizing.

Start a confrontation with the correct motivation. What is the right motive? To help, not to hurt. Do everything in love!

When you plan to lovingly confront someone, you have to think about when you’ll say it, what you’ll say, and how you’ll say it. There are three things that work if you want a difficult message to get through to the person you love.

1. Say it tactfully. You’re never persuasive when you’re abrasive. If you say it offensively, then it will be received defensively. But the more pleasant your words, the more persuasive you’ll be.

2. Say it lovingly. Don’t beat people up with the truth! Say it in a loving way. And how do you know if you’re saying it in a loving way? When it’s for their benefit, not yours.

3. Say it gently. Being gentle means you lower your voice when you talk to someone and show humility. You can even qualify your approach: “I may be totally wrong about this, but . . .” or “I’m certainly not perfect.” Gently state how we all need help at some point, and express your love and concern for the person.

When you plan how you’re going to confront someone in love, remember this equation: Truth + Tact + Timing = Transformation.

A healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs: confronting in truth and affirming in love. If you only have one of those legs in your relationship, it isn’t going to stand. It will fall over at just about anything!

When you need to speak the truth in love to somebody, begin and end on a positive note, and affirm three things:

1. Affirm that you love and care for that person. 2. Affirm that you will pray for and help that person. 3. Affirm that you believe that person can change.

Paul does this in 1 and 2 Corinthians. In both books, he begins and ends with affirmation. For example, Paul begins his first letter by saying, “I always thank my God for you” (1 Corinthians 1:4 NIV). And at the end of the book he says, “My love to all of you in Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 16:24 NIV). Between that he’s dealing with some very tough truths.

Notice that Paul uses the word “and.” You should never use the word “but” in a confrontation. The moment you do, whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated: “I think you’re a great person, but . . .” Instead, use the word “and”: “We’ve got a great relationship, and I believe there are some things we need to work on.” That’s what it means to affirm someone.

Lasting love is persistent. It is determined, diligent, and resolute. It endures the worst and is stubborn in its insistence to not give up on a relationship.

In fact, the purpose of a relationship is not just to make you happy but also to make you holy and teach you how to think of others more than you think of yourself.

When I got married, my wife and I discovered that we were complete opposites. We started arguing on our wedding night, and from there it just got worse. We loved each other, but we did not get along.

But we had made a vow, and we decided divorce was not an option. We got counseling, even though we had very little money. We sacrificed so that we could honor our commitment to each other. We struggled for the first two years of our marriage, but we learned to love each other well, and we’re so much better for it today.

Learning to love is the single greatest lesson in life. It is why God put you on this planet.

But human love wears out. That’s why you need Jesus’ love in you so you can offer lasting love to others. You first have to open your life to him; then he can love others through you.

It’s scary to speak the truth in love. The reason we stuff our feelings and hide the issues in our relationships is because we fear the possible consequences. We let fear become greater than our love. Speaking the truth in love means taking a great risk! And because we don’t want to take that risk, we sometimes settle for superficial, shallow relationships.

My wife, Kay, and I were pros at this early in our marriage. We repressed the truth, we hid our feelings, and we ignored issues. We swept everything under the rug to try to maintain the status quo of our marriage.

But loves sometimes means taking risks. You must be willing to risk rejection because you love that person. You must be willing to absorb the initial anger of a loving confrontation because you love the other person. And that takes enormous courage.

Some of you have not felt loving toward a loved one for weeks or months or maybe even years because you’ve been stuffing your feelings down. You’re not speaking the truth in love, and it’s hurting the relationship.

Who do you need to have an honest conversation with? It might be someone in your neighborhood or a member of your small group. Will you care enough to speak the truth in love?

The Bible says love needs to be central to our lives, so let’s take a few moments to consider what love really is.

1. The Bible says love is a command. Love is not a feeling. God would never command you to do something that he doesn’t give you the power and the ability to do.

2. The Bible says love is a choice. You can choose to love in spite of how you feel and to give the other person what they need, not what they deserve. Choose to love others like God loves you.

3. The Bible says love is a conduct. Love is something you do. Every day God puts opportunities around you to demonstrate love. Love takes advantage of opportunities to serve others.

4. The Bible says love is a commitment. Your relationship with God is largely affected by your relationship with other people. When you keep your commitments to loving other people, that helps keep your heart united with God’s heart—because God is love.

Are you ready to build your life on God’s love? Here are five steps you can take to get started.

1. Learn how mature love acts and responds. Personal change always begins with a change in perspective. You gain God’s perspective by getting into God’s Word.

2. Start your day with a daily reminder to love. Get up in the morning and say, “God, help me to remember that the most important thing is loving you and loving other people.”

3. Memorize what God says about love. God’s Word is filled with truths and principles on how to become a loving person. When you memorize Scripture, God can bring verses to mind when you need them the most.

4. Practice acting in unselfish, loving ways. Love is like a muscle. The more you practice, the more it becomes second nature, and you become a genuinely loving person.

5. Get support from other loving people. You can’t learn to love by just sitting back and listening. You learn to love in relationships with other people.